hirap mawalan ng ina.
Monday, May 11, 2009
complicated post by thesecretrose. at 9:01 PM 1 comments
the number five.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
series of unfortunate sign searches: the break, the pink car, and the last sign.
Still can't believe the signs. :)) had to ask for mooooooore. There came the ending of my confusing january FIVE. January 6, what should i do? Well, it was section 30's PE day and I came with my club's p/f. I was thinking of another sign in my head once again. Sign #3 -- if he greets/looks/talks to me, the first sign is true.
I was there, spending the break with madame president. Then he passed by and looked at me teasingly. ayheytdis.. (ahc members, you know that look right? you've seen it a lot of times already.)
Okaaaay. Shocking. And stupid to ask for that sign. It's quite common. That made me look for sign number 4 on the 9th of the month. I stayed until 5:30 since I watched the PE quarter exam of sections 31, 33, and 38. Funny, we had the same song for the Q.E. :)) I was hurt once again. You, selected people, know how jealous I was. Anyway, I stayed with my niece and she told me the sign to look for while we were talking in the parking lot. I must see a pink car pass by -- that would mean that the first sign is for real. I didn't want to see a pink car! :))
I left school and was happy for not seeing a pink car. :)) I was reading text messages. Then, i suddenly looked in the window and saw a pink Honda jazz! gooooosh... :((
Still in denial, won't believe it. I don't wanna wait for nothing or expect once again. It's just to make me happy after the jealousy I felt when I was watching him dance with his more beautiful partner. I need the final sign.
And the last sign isssssssss... secret! :)) 9-11 days from now, it must happen or else all the signs would mean nothing. It's the most impossible sign I've asked for, to be honest. :))
**read the next post for this day. it's really weird.**
complicated post by thesecretrose. at 12:23 PM 1 comments
Labels: five, friends, impossible, signs
don't talk to meeeeeee!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
This is the continuation to the sign, cosign thingy.. Anyway, I did not believe the sign, okay? So I asked for another. :)) This time, if he talks to me, even just utter a word, the sign must be true. I stayed awaaaay from him during dismissal since that was the time that the sign must happen. I'm telling you, I tried my best for this sign not to come true. But looks like fate will find you even if you hide from it.
It was my friends' group's practice for their quarter exam. I stayed for a while since, as usual, I didn't even try to go with the 2:45 bus which leaves 5 minutes after the time. Anyway, that was the start of the new sign search. I really stayed away for the sign not to happen. I just can't accept the fact that God is, once again, kidding me. Well, we have inside jokes. :) So Chris (:P i'll still use his name. haha) was in the lounge and I stayed away from the lounge and went with my friend and her groupmates whenever they went. We ended up in the gazeebo. Section 30 was there. They were practicing as well. I was watching her classmates' practices but not hers since I didn't want to go to the GS area. :)) I was there, concentrating well on the practices, not thinking about the sign.
Suddenly, they came. They, meaning Chris and buddies. I was praying that he won't talk to me. Well, I was quite confident that he won't talk. He rarely does when he's alone, what more when he's with his friends? Then, gaaaaaaash. He just came behind me and said one word, "alis." Teasing me again since I was the only non-section 30 in the place except for him. gaaaaash. with the stupid word comes the sign. :((
Yeah, God made me happy and confused. hmmm. Why? It isn't my birthday yet... hmmmmm.. well, it's the FIFTH of the month.. yaaah, that's probably why. And I missed him, that's a fact. yaaah. yaah. convince yourself, my dear blue apple. :))
complicated post by thesecretrose. at 12:23 PM 1 comments
sign, cosine, tangent.
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I asked for a sign this morning, out of nothing. I just thought, "hey, what if I take the risk and ask for a sign again?" I have stopped doing so ever since the colored cars sign. I was so afraid to commit the same mistake. But, I guess I have completely movsed on from the sign incident and took the risk again.
The sign? Well, it was simple yet difficult. Weird, right? Simple 'cause I asked God to give me the fifth guy to talk to me (not just greet or look) and he'll be the person who'll love me for what I am and he'll deserve all the love I could give. Difficult 'cause only very few guys open a conversation with me before I do. The morning went on and I lost count early. I couldn't accept the fact that I was stupid enough not to count. I said the same thing in my mind again: "Lord, kung sino po yung 5th guy na makikipag-usap sa 'kin during lunch, siya na yung magmamahal sa 'kin."
Lunchtime starts at 12:30 and ends at 1:15. I was ready, yet nervous. What if no one's destined to love me? What if I wasn't ready for the unsure answer? On my way to my locker, a batchmate talked to me, actually teased me and asked me why I was quiet. (Is it really unusual for me to keep quiet?!) There's the first conversation, very unexpected since we rarely see each other. The next one was between me and Chris' friend. (fave big sis, i'll use his name for you-know-who ha..) The third was between me and my hyper friend. I was waiting for the last two. I ate my lunch,finished, cleaned up everything, ate dessert, and laughed with my close friends. Probablyl, only 10 minutes were left 'til the bell rings, finishes lunchtime, and destroys my sign. I was desperately praying that God would give me the 4th and 5th guys to get it over with or else not give me anyone in school.
Suddenly, Chris' friends and he were coming our way. To be honest, I expected Chris to be the 4th guy. I felt earlier that he was about to talk to me since I saw him coming at the corner of my eye. But this time, he really did, with his friends. His friend told me something I didn't understand. Gosh, he's the 4th. Then Chris repeated the same thing and I didn't understand it too. :(( he's the 5th. whyyyy???
Why am I sad when the one I like fulfilled the sign? Well, I'm afraid. What if I'd expect again, wait again, and not get anything again? What if he still loves Esme (wow. cullen. hahaha. ex nya yan.) but was immature to give up on their relationship? gosh. so difficult! Well, I'll just trust God. He gave me the sign and He surely has a plan. I know that He'll help me. I'll just wait for Him to do what He plans to do. In the meantime, I'll convince myself not to expect.
** sign, cosign, tangent? confusion, my dear. confusion.**
complicated post by thesecretrose. at 11:47 AM 2 comments
Labels: five, past and present, realize, signs
i hate this part.
complicated post by thesecretrose. at 11:14 AM 1 comments
Friday is really a Cry day.
Saturday, November 22, 2008
Things just keep on getting worse, don't they? They just double in impact and go together to hurt me more and more..
It's difficult. I feel like life must end soon.. Better yet, now. I feel like nothing's going right. Everything seems to be falling apart.. Everything seems difficult. Everything seems sad. Everything seems painful and is painful. The heart's broken once again, but it's much worse now..