Forgive me, I'm just too confused. Read on to find out why.
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I asked for a sign this morning, out of nothing. I just thought, "hey, what if I take the risk and ask for a sign again?" I have stopped doing so ever since the colored cars sign. I was so afraid to commit the same mistake. But, I guess I have completely movsed on from the sign incident and took the risk again.
The sign? Well, it was simple yet difficult. Weird, right? Simple 'cause I asked God to give me the fifth guy to talk to me (not just greet or look) and he'll be the person who'll love me for what I am and he'll deserve all the love I could give. Difficult 'cause only very few guys open a conversation with me before I do. The morning went on and I lost count early. I couldn't accept the fact that I was stupid enough not to count. I said the same thing in my mind again: "Lord, kung sino po yung 5th guy na makikipag-usap sa 'kin during lunch, siya na yung magmamahal sa 'kin."
Lunchtime starts at 12:30 and ends at 1:15. I was ready, yet nervous. What if no one's destined to love me? What if I wasn't ready for the unsure answer? On my way to my locker, a batchmate talked to me, actually teased me and asked me why I was quiet. (Is it really unusual for me to keep quiet?!) There's the first conversation, very unexpected since we rarely see each other. The next one was between me and Chris' friend. (fave big sis, i'll use his name for you-know-who ha..) The third was between me and my hyper friend. I was waiting for the last two. I ate my lunch,finished, cleaned up everything, ate dessert, and laughed with my close friends. Probablyl, only 10 minutes were left 'til the bell rings, finishes lunchtime, and destroys my sign. I was desperately praying that God would give me the 4th and 5th guys to get it over with or else not give me anyone in school.
Suddenly, Chris' friends and he were coming our way. To be honest, I expected Chris to be the 4th guy. I felt earlier that he was about to talk to me since I saw him coming at the corner of my eye. But this time, he really did, with his friends. His friend told me something I didn't understand. Gosh, he's the 4th. Then Chris repeated the same thing and I didn't understand it too. :(( he's the 5th. whyyyy???
Why am I sad when the one I like fulfilled the sign? Well, I'm afraid. What if I'd expect again, wait again, and not get anything again? What if he still loves Esme (wow. cullen. hahaha. ex nya yan.) but was immature to give up on their relationship? gosh. so difficult! Well, I'll just trust God. He gave me the sign and He surely has a plan. I know that He'll help me. I'll just wait for Him to do what He plans to do. In the meantime, I'll convince myself not to expect.
** sign, cosign, tangent? confusion, my dear. confusion.**
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I asked for a sign this morning, out of nothing. I just thought, "hey, what if I take the risk and ask for a sign again?" I have stopped doing so ever since the colored cars sign. I was so afraid to commit the same mistake. But, I guess I have completely movsed on from the sign incident and took the risk again.
The sign? Well, it was simple yet difficult. Weird, right? Simple 'cause I asked God to give me the fifth guy to talk to me (not just greet or look) and he'll be the person who'll love me for what I am and he'll deserve all the love I could give. Difficult 'cause only very few guys open a conversation with me before I do. The morning went on and I lost count early. I couldn't accept the fact that I was stupid enough not to count. I said the same thing in my mind again: "Lord, kung sino po yung 5th guy na makikipag-usap sa 'kin during lunch, siya na yung magmamahal sa 'kin."
Lunchtime starts at 12:30 and ends at 1:15. I was ready, yet nervous. What if no one's destined to love me? What if I wasn't ready for the unsure answer? On my way to my locker, a batchmate talked to me, actually teased me and asked me why I was quiet. (Is it really unusual for me to keep quiet?!) There's the first conversation, very unexpected since we rarely see each other. The next one was between me and Chris' friend. (fave big sis, i'll use his name for you-know-who ha..) The third was between me and my hyper friend. I was waiting for the last two. I ate my lunch,finished, cleaned up everything, ate dessert, and laughed with my close friends. Probablyl, only 10 minutes were left 'til the bell rings, finishes lunchtime, and destroys my sign. I was desperately praying that God would give me the 4th and 5th guys to get it over with or else not give me anyone in school.
Suddenly, Chris' friends and he were coming our way. To be honest, I expected Chris to be the 4th guy. I felt earlier that he was about to talk to me since I saw him coming at the corner of my eye. But this time, he really did, with his friends. His friend told me something I didn't understand. Gosh, he's the 4th. Then Chris repeated the same thing and I didn't understand it too. :(( he's the 5th. whyyyy???
Why am I sad when the one I like fulfilled the sign? Well, I'm afraid. What if I'd expect again, wait again, and not get anything again? What if he still loves Esme (wow. cullen. hahaha. ex nya yan.) but was immature to give up on their relationship? gosh. so difficult! Well, I'll just trust God. He gave me the sign and He surely has a plan. I know that He'll help me. I'll just wait for Him to do what He plans to do. In the meantime, I'll convince myself not to expect.
** sign, cosign, tangent? confusion, my dear. confusion.**
2 comments:
wow hanna!! sign nnmn!!! well i can't blame u. wag k ng umasa ha un lng. Icpin m n lng pmpaaliw un s araw m. Keep moving 4ward Don't dwell on it haha bhala n lng ung mngyri
bawal gamitin pangalan ni Chris, hmph! hee hee.. ayabyu..
I used to ask God for signs, but don't believe it kapag hindi nangyari ung gusto ko. Ikaw naman kakaiba, nangyari ung gusto mo, tapos ayaw mo paniwalaan, ha ha ha. weird -- that's why I love you Ü
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